Friends and Relationships
NO, NO, NO, NO..................what a tiny word, not exactly hard to pronounce! Not hard to remember - so why do so many jelibeans have a problem with the word no? And why do we find it so difficult? Some jelibeans CAN'T say NO whilst others say NO all the time!
Let's look at those who find NO difficult to say first......
Saying no to a 'friend' who you like very much and wish to keep is a real dilemma. What if that friend decides NOT TO BE YOUR FRIEND if you say NO? What will people think of us if we say NO? Will we be regarded as not very nice if we say NO?
For a jelibean this supposedly simple task can be tricky for a number of reasons. YES and NO are extremes, jelibeans generally work on extremes forgetting to take a middle road. Some jelibeans feel that they have to respond IMMEDIATELY with an answer not feeling comfortable enough to give themselves 'thinking time'. So what can jelibean suggest for the times when Aunt Maud invites you to stay for a week in the summer holidays - groan - so when the answer 'yes please' falls out of our mouths, you can often see the look of horror on our faces! Teaching a jelibean to say a simple phrase for when they feel uncomfortable is key :
"Can I take a raincheck on that please?"
"I haven't got my diary with me, can I call you and let you know?"
"Would love to but can't promise"?
Ask a jelibean on the spot to do something and they will often feel cornered and not realise that it is perfectly acceptable to get back to someone at a later time to confirm. Memories are not reknowned to be good for those on the autism spectrum. Perhaps we have said YES to picking up Uncle Bill at 10am but then completely forgotten. If we don't write it down then it is likely we will forget and Uncle Bill will be left waiting...and waiting.
Loyalty is a big issue for a jelibean. We confuse loyalty with the word NO. Sadly many times 'Jelibean' has come across situations whereby a jelibeans have parted with large amounts of money only to never see it again. If a friend asks you for a loan what do you say? No sorry I am broke? No sorry I can't access it for you at the moment? A jelibean will often jump at the chance, after all they are a friend and as such can be trusted? All too often all that we are left with is an empty bank account, red face and the 'friend' has disappeared.
But saying NO can be very easy for some jelibeans. Those with Oppositional Defiant Disorder will love this word and use it with alarming regularity to EVERYONE in their proximity. So please be aware that for a jelibean YES and NO may not mean what you think they do! But rest assured it's all perfectly 'normal' in our jelibean worlds.
Strange how such a simple small word can cause so many problems.