Last updateMon, 28 Jan 2013 9pm

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Don't shout please.

THE LAST WORD ! That one is in capitals because there is nothing more infuriating for a jellybean than to be deprived of the last word. Heavens, it’s a crime in our house to lose that precious last word. We’ll do anything to secure it like a jewel in a crown. Often it’s the case that two jellybeans will continue to lock horns and even if the distance is increasing the faded voices of protestation will continue until a door slams, closing that particular chapter.

The last word has even been known to be screamed out of the car window barely audible over the continual revs of the engine. What with the haze of the exhaust, smell of the rubber burning on the road and the combination of Silverstone and the Jerry Springer show, you can understand why these arguments become so volatile.



Arguing for the sake of it? Confrontational all the time?
Knowing you couldn’t possibly get it wrong?
Always having to have the last word?
Deliberately controversial any time, any place anywhere?
Yes I agree, everyone is guilty of that, but the majority of the time? For jelibeans it seems that plenty of time is spent moaning and arguing over the silliest stupidest little things.

Controversial is another good name for this as well, come on own up all you fledgling jelibeans, I’m as guilty as the next of deliberately arguing just for the sake of it. I’ve even been known to take a totally different stance, one that I would not normally take, just for the hell of it.


Monotone voices/stammers/intonation

Intonation is an odd word. I liken it to a voice dance or a piece of music. An interesting voice, one that dances from sentence to sentence and plays tunes is what I love to listen to.

Monotone jellybean voices are quite common, the ones that draaaaag on with no break in exactly the same way no full stops no punctuation no explanation marks or anything in fact really really boring can you feel my fingers making slow steady boring moves on the keyboard do you know what i mean not even a capital letter to break the monotony. Sometimes the ploddy ploddy voices put you to sleep.


Don't let it get you down

Uh? Excuse me, what a huge huge word for what really means to go on and on and on, yawn yawn. Think about what persevere means and have another look and you may notice that it spells severe as well. OK so in a nutshell it means going on and on really annoyingly for other people. Lets look at some examples and by now you must surely know the catch phrase ‘ I do that!’. Yep afraid so, it’s the sludge brown colour on the artist’s palette. You got it - BORING.

Change the big title to boring and everyone knows what you mean.


Literal Thinkers

Saying and interpreting it, as it is! What’s wrong with that? We don’t go in for all this double meanings malarkey. We just listen to the words and think they mean what they say. Mostly this is because we can’t do all the subtle hints that someone gives to let us know that they’re only joking. And we sometimes don’t realise that there are words and expressions that don’t mean what they say. Here are some that confuse little junior jellies:

‘Pull your socks up!’ (but I’m wearing tights!)
‘What’s up?’ (my bedroom, my mum’s bedroom and the bathroom)
‘You’re wet behind the ears!’ (I can’t be, I haven’t had a wash)
‘He let the cat out of the bag!’ (was it still alive? It’s so good he did that!)
‘Joe from number 34 just kicked the bucket’ (was he cross with it?)

(OK, I know I’m exaggerating here a bit – but I always do! I’m a jellybean!)